Grief lies between the borders of yesterday and today. Loss lives in each moment, but no moment is an island. The life of yesterday shadows today in so many ways, in so many moments…in every way, in every moment. Moments are filled with what was, what is…and what will be.
It is in these moments of great loss that the upheavals of living in the foreign land of the Afterloss, we search books on grief and loss. We look for answers to unanswerable questions. Coping with loss confronts us with the perpetual interchange of love lived in two different worlds.
It is more than just coping with loss that brings equilibrium to the emptiness. There is something missing. More than just the physical presence of our loved one is gone. Dreams are gone. Hopes are gone. And in this moment, what is gone shapes what is left.
So, on the border of what was before and what is sits the world of the Afterloss. It is a world left to those left just out of reach of the Afterlife. It is a world of neither here nor there. It is a place of solitude and solace as well as the land of isolation and pain. It is where every emotion lives in the vacuous realms of love. It is the ultimate limbo state of numbness where everything hurts. It is the border of yesterday and today.
And in the unfolding of loss in this strange new land of the Afterloss life moves from coping with loss to living with loss. Inch by inch loss reshapes the heart that will always miss a beat, but nonetheless keeps beating.
The moment reshapes, too. Somewhere, somehow, when we lean into every moment it moves into the harmonic of what was taken and what was given, and what can be given. We reach out to others searching the realms of their own Afterloss. We share our sorrow and we become another solace. We continue to live in loss, but we go on. And we live in love in the unending borders of yesterday and today, of life and loss.