We meet in a song, in an old photograph, a video that moves over and over, again and again. I carry more than your picture. I carry your memory. I carry a moment long ago, just minutes away in this moment.
At any moment we meet. I could be walking down the street and there you are. I could be talking to someone and right before my eyes I dissolve into another time and hear your voice, your laughter filling me with great joy. I could be asleep and awake from a dream into the dream within the dream. I could be anywhere. And there you are.
I never know when you will come, but I wait moment by moment for your arrival. I go about my day sometimes forgetting the unforgettable. And then I remember. I recall the time we sat on that bench. I remember a breakfast we shared. I remember the sun setting just for us.
In my remembrance lie the lay lines of our lives. We crisscross the interior terrain of remembrance and on every corner we meet. We embrace each other with indiscernible longing and love.
I miss you, but I will always have you. And you will always have me. Wherever I go, we go.
Some days I feel so utterly alone, empty, spent. I long to be replenished by your smile, the scent of your hair, the touch of your hand. I long for everything to be different. I don’t want to go back, but I don’t want to be here. I want to be wherever we are, not where I am.
But on other days the breeze sweeps me from one moment to the next. It has been so many years since death changed us. I have settled into another way for us to meet.
Our fragments speak to the wholeness we once shared. I live in pieces of us.
When we meet, neither of us is complete here. Looks of knowing across a room now leave us looking across the expanse into the finiteness that has come between us. Our touch touches differently now. We meet in shadows that shine within what is lost and into what is left to find.
But we find each other, nonetheless. There is nothing that can ever separate us – time, distance, gravity, space, everything, nothing.
I know that because we meet again and again. Wherever we go we carry a part of each other. No matter how long I live, I will live with you and you will live with me.
I do not know what you would look like now. I have aged in your agelessness. But I do know what you feel like. Wherever we meet I feel your depths, your ethereal weight and weightlessness, your love.
I sometimes stop in my tracks when we spontaneously meet in one of our serendipitous encounter. I’m unknowingly drawn to a place where you are waiting for me. Unconsciously I wander into a moment when a song on the radio or some other invitation says you are here and that you have been waiting for me.
And you wait for me. I know you do. I know you know the very depths of my sorrow. I know if you could hold me you would. And you know if only I could hold you I would you, too.
So we wait. We meet in clandestine encounters unseen by an unseeing world. We sit in restaurants, walk down wooden lanes, go into crowded places together alone. We touch a memory and live our love in present tense unbeknownst to the people around us.
There is nothing I miss more than you. There is nothing I have more than your presence. Death has taken a part of you just as it has taken a part of me. But death cannot take the inseparable part of us.
So we meet again and again to remind ourselves that we will always meet. You come to comfort me. I come to be comforted. I come here because you are here.
And even though we hold each other differently now, our embrace is eternal. You came into my life to gift me with your presence. And I will carry that gift forever.
In our again, we meet. Again and again. Forever and ever.